Overheard at the Old Job (R.I.P.) - Part 2

Since you (yes, all 3 of you) seemed to enjoy the last installment, here are a few more "overheards." This time, we're moving on to employees. This woman is one of the most kindhearted, giving, impossibly cheerful, and puzzling people I've ever met.


Story #1:

Maria comes into work and announces that she lost $20.
Kim: Oh bummer! What happened?
Maria: I think I dropped it. But it's okay. Last time it was $600.
Kim: What?!
Maria: Well, I put it in my pants and it fell out.
Kim: You put it in your pocket?
Maria: No. In my pants.
kim: Like, IN your pants?
Maria: Yeah. I don't have pockets.
Kim: Uh... so you just shoved it in the waistband?
Maria: Well I put it in a napkin first!
And she continues, "So i decided to go to Walmart. And I was walking around... and I felt something fall, and I looked down. But it was a napkin, so i thought - oh it's just a napkin. And i didn't want to pick up a dirty napkin."

Let me recap. The woman has SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS in a napkin shoved in her pants. And she FEELS THE NAPKIN FALL. And she leaves it there. Because WHO WANTS TO PICK UP A DIRTY NAPKIN?

Story #2:
So Maria is at the computer typing and moaning.
Kim: Uh Maria, are you okay?
Maria: Nuuhhhoooohhh. (but still staring at the screen, not moving, continuing to type fervently)
Kim: Well you can go walk around if you want. Maybe get some pepto bismol?
Maria: Uuuuggghhhh.
Kim: Really, it's okay if you want to leave the office for a while.
Maria: Uuuugghhhh.
Kim: Wow. Really hurts huh?
Maria: Lifting up her shirt and rubbing her plump but completely normal mid-section, "Yes!! Just look at it!!"

(I later asked why she thought her stomach hurt, and she told me it was because she ate tomatoes on Tuesday.) (Three days ago.)