15 May 2008

update of utmost import

when my blog was on hiatus these last several months, people would always ask me "hey jeremy, why haven't you written on your blog lately?" or "dude, what's the deal? did you break your hands?" or "have you joined some kind of anti-internet cult?". what they didn't ask me, but what i always knew they were curious about, was "so jeremy, how's your male pattern baldness coming along?" well, now that i have time to blog again, i can give you, readership, the kind of information you've been really longing for and missing these last long months. i give you the current status of the top of my head, as of thursday, may 15:



as you can see, this last year has seen a mass emigration of hair and hair follicles. as someone who's been told since he was about 5 years old that he'd one day be as bald as his dad, i've had plenty of time to notice various balding styles (and also to amass a list of bald heroes, including george bluth, winston churchill, michael jordan, (zidane, until that incident in 2006), and of course larry david, who even beat churchill for the position of honorary president of the club). i have to say, it's not time to abandon ship (shave head completely) yet, but i do see cause for alarm. note, for example, that worrying tuft of hair in the middle of the loss zone (that's what i call it). in all my days of observation of baldness, i've never seen anyone make the donut look good. i have to say, though, that i'm very glad to be losing my hair from the middle out, as opposed to from the front. i always worried how having my forehead slowly taking over my hairline like a territorial dispute would effect the overall look of my face. fortunately, i'll never have to know.

taking this picture (which, by the way, i did about 7 times trying to get the perfect angle for hair-loss assessment) made me wish i'd done this more consistently over the last 5 or so years so that i could have more closely monitored the development up there. i wonder if you can pinpoint the exact day you start to look like you're going bald if you're watching closely. probably not--you know what they say about watched pots boiling and all. wow, i think i may have just stumbled across the perfect hair loss prevention technique*--just keep watching it...really closely. it's cheaper than rogaine, folks. GENIUS!

*in all seriousness, though, you know how in the x-men movies they try to find a "cure" for the mutants, to make them normal again? and how all the mutants are like "we don't want a cure--we're AWESOME and we like it"? that's exactly how i feel about these products. not only that it's incredibly insulting to assume that we (the bald community) would WANT to look like the rest of you, but also because of the superpowers we bald men possess (and which of course we never talk about to the haired of the world).

6 comments:

nunface said...

This WAS of utmost importance!
I think balding is hot. Truly.

jeremy said...

ladies and gentlemen, i give you exhibit A of secret bald superpowers.

Anonymous said...

JEREMY!

THAT IS ENOUGH!! DON'T FORGET YOU HAVE TAKEN THE SUUPER POWERS OATH!

-- KCstar

aaron wk said...

you guys are funny, too. what about george costanza? too pathetic for you?

Anonymous said...

i think costanza is cool! welcome to the B.A.D. fraternity. i'll bring an extra razor to chicago.

millhouse said...

i think bruce willis is my bald hero. glad to have you back on my computer screen.